Welcome To GA: The ‘GA’ Stands For ‘Guns Anywhere’

Welcome to the wild, wild South where I have Georgia on my mind and Kevlar on my torso. Georgia Governor Nathan Deal signed a wide-ranging gun bill into law today. I find it ironic that the gun lobby is able to protect their interests with the almighty dollar. No guns needed.
Where else can you group bars, classrooms and churches together under the guise of making them safer, by allowing people to protect themselves with deadly force? Sacred places in need of 38 Special security. Naturally. The Second Amendment knew a good musket was a good friend to have, and that will never change.
Bars kind of make sense. A bar can be a potentially dangerous place. Fights break out all the time. And fist fights are messy. They get physical. People and things get knocked over. That scares me and pisses me off if it affects my unfinished drink. Thank the God-loving NRA that people under the influence can now draw weapons and skip the “meet me outside” formalities. I feel safer already. If I’m ever in a Georgia bar, which is about as likely as me being in a Turkish bath house, I will sit back and relax as tempers flare, knowing disagreements will be settled before I even empty my glass. This one’s a no-brainer. Booze and bullets go together like babies and bombs.
And churches are most certainly a place where self-defense is deemed a priority. Just think of the collection basket falling into the wrong hands. Or a visitor suggesting that homosexuals are people too and deserve the same rights as everybody else? Blasphemers deserve a good bullet or two as a reminder of why they are in a Holy House. I believe the Bible says, “teach a man to shoot and he can hunt for his supper. But teach a man to hate and he can take out a whole congregation.”
Speaking of the Bible, may I suggest everyone in attendance start wearing a very thick one in a custom holster over their heart just for a little added protection? With God on your side, a Bible over your heart and a pistol in your purse, you’ll be on your way to Heaven in no time.
I’m struggling a little bit with guns in classrooms though. I know, I know, Sandy Hook Elementary School. I guess I just thought that incident would have convinced most sane people that guns and mental health are an issue, not that guns plus more guns make schools a safer place. I’m so happy Georgia is willing to “take the bullet” on this one and see how it works out. I can’t think of a better school system to try it on.
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Amy Hartl Sherman is a freelance writer, poet and humorist. She is a graduate of the University of Illinois with a B.S. in Communications, a retired flight attendant and improv comedian. Amy currently resides in Glen Ellyn, Illinois with her husband, a parakeet missing a toe, a Chihuahua and one ​toe-chomping Dachshund. Her sons escaped unharmed. She blogs at Witfaced.

About the author

Linda is a left handed, left brained, left leaning, Sequoia hugging humorist, writer, musician and Mom whose husband swears she is the female Larry David. She'll criticize your parallel parking to prove it. She's a cable news junkie with a mad girl crush on Rachel Maddow. She blogs at elleroy was here, is a regular contributor at The Huffington Post, quips at Humor Outcasts and leads the Indie Americana band Jehova Waitresses.