Laid In China – Mapping Out the Seven Dongers Of the World

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photo courtesy of targetmap

You know what they say…”Big country…large___.”

Maybe not, since the vast region of Russia is apparently teaming with teeny sosiskas. (That’s Russian for “weenie”.)

And considering their actions of late, they are a nation of pricks who need to pull out immediately.

Ever wonder how the unit measurement stacks up across the nations? Twitter user @onionslayer has compiled a geographical map depicting how each country measures up. Up, being a crucial factor, folks. Color coding indicates penis size – green being the largest and red being teeny eeny weenie. Sorry China. We don’t mean to pick on your pricks, but General Tzo chicken is just a little pecker.

So how did this growth chart get compiled?  “Data” was submitted by Twitter users, meaning that this is not exactly a scientific analysis, and therefore, getting Billy Nye to get behind it and really…uh…push it, is not likely.  Is it entertaining though? You bet your wiener schnitzel it is! (I’m talking to you Germany.)

Need an ice breaker for your next party?  How about divulging the penis size in Antarctica and whether “ant” is a relative term.

Unfortunately, though, not good news for us here in America…the land of large portions. And it certainly looks as though the Main Vein in Spain falls a little less manly than on the African Plains.

Certainly brings new meaning to the idea of pulling out of a region during war time.  And from the looks of things, it’s not even worth entering Syria. But you know what? It looks like the Virgin Islands are really getting the shaft! And hey, did you notice that the brat isn’t the wurst in Ger-manly?

So where am I planning my next vacation? Looks like I’m heading south.

About the author

Linda is a left handed, left brained, left thinking, humorist, writer, musician and mom whose husband swears she is the female Larry David. She'll criticize your parallel parking to prove it. She's a cable news junkie with a mad girl crush on Rachel Maddow. She blogs at elleroy was here, is a contributing editor at Aiming Low, writes song parodies for Funny Not Slutty and leads Indie Americana band Jehova Waitresses.